Shortly after the release of her brand new memoir "Counting the Cost," out on Sept. 12, reality star and mom Jill Duggar spoke to Fox News Digital in a phone interview about how her faith has evolved — and how growing up on television influenced the decisions she makes today as a mother.
Duggar, 32, appeared on the TLC reality TV shows "19 Kids and Counting" and its spinoff, "Counting On," from 2008 until 2017. She's the fourth of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's 19 children.
In 2014, Duggar married Derick Dillard — today they're the parents of three sons. They live near the Arkansas and Oklahoma border.
Duggar credits her husband for helping her keep her faith strong through rocky times.
"I am so grateful for my husband, Derick, because without him, I feel like it would have been just a much, much harder battle to fight and to work through and process," she told Fox News Digital.
On "19 Kids and Counting" and "Counting On," viewers got a glimpse of the Duggar family's strict fundamentalist Baptist lifestyle.
("19 Kids and Counting" was canceled in 2015 after it was revealed that Josh Duggar, the eldest Duggar child, molested four of his sisters, including Jill. "Counting On" was canceled in 2021 after Josh Duggar was arrested on federal child pornography charges. Josh Duggar is serving a 12-year prison sentence.)
The Duggars belong to an organization known as the Institute for Basic Life Principles, or IBLP, which encouraged having large families, homeschooling the children and adhering to intense rules regarding modesty, among other things.
After marrying Dillard, Duggar began to question some of the things she was taught as a child — and found herself disagreeing with many IBLP teachings.
"I knew that I could trust the Bible and I knew that Jesus was my Lord and Savior," she said.
"And from there just it was a matter of really disentangling my faith."
She began to investigate the biblical rationale for the rules she was raised with regarding dancing, clothing and alcohol, she said.
"I didn't just want to, like, throw my faith away," she said. "I really wanted to sort things out. And I knew there was truth to some of what I had been taught as a child, but the viewpoint, the perspective, was different."
In her memoir, "Counting the Cost" (Simon & Schuster), Duggar describes how her parents were extremely upset when she was first spotted wearing a pair of pants and when she chose to get her nose pierced — even though she was a married, adult woman at the time.
"The way that I had been raised, we thought we were going to make those decisions for ourselves," she said.
This prompted her to "dig deep into scripture" to determine the true context and meaning behind the commandment, "Honor thy father and thy mother."
"Because I was a big people pleaser, I had to really figure out, 'What does that mean?'" said Duggar.
She added, "Does that actually mean that you have to obey your father and mother the entire rest of your life, or that you have to seek their blessing on every major life event?"
After studying scripture, she came to the realization that it does not mean that.
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"We still believe you need to honor your father and mother, but you can also honor them by living like Christ wants you to," said Duggar.
As her relationship with her parents became strained, Duggar told Fox News Digital that she took solace in Psalm 91 and Psalm 23.
"Psalm 91 talks about God being our refuge, and our shield and the rock that we cling to and hide under and hiding under his wing," she said.
"So that one, I mean — I literally have had times where I read that multiple times a day [and found it] comforting."
Still, it was a challenge. Duggar revealed that she found there were "so many triggers" related to the Bible that she's been able to identify with the help of a therapist.
"There were triggers that I didn't even realize that I had," she said, saying that she in particular struggled with reading the Book of Proverbs, as it was too connected in her mind with her father.
"At one point it was also hard for me to call God my father because of my relationship with my own father," said Duggar.
"And I was able to use therapy to realize that and recognize that. But there were definitely hard points for me with things like that."
With the release of her memoir, Duggar told Fox News Digital that she wants to make it clear that she did not write the book "as part of the reconciliation process" between her and the rest of her family.
"I felt called to write this book and just to be a voice for the voiceless, to also give hope to other people who have either found their voice or are on that journey to finding your voice and just be their champion and their advocate." she said.
She also credits her parents for the "lot of positive experiences" in her childhood.
"My parents did a great job at having fun playtime with us and taking us places and making sure we had one-on-one time, which is hard to do with that many kids," she said.
"But they really did invest in our lives that way." She said she still has "a bunch of happy memories."
The way Duggar and Dillard are raising their sons is very different from how Duggar was raised, she said.
Duggar and her husband have enrolled their eldest in public school — and the family does not follow IBLP teachings.
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And unlike Duggar's own childhood, which was broadcast on a reality show, her sons are mostly hidden on her social media feeds.
As for her sons' futures?
"I really hope that they will love Jesus and be confident, independent people who will just serve others, love others and just do amazing things," she said.
"And I know that they will."
